Let’s talk about Maternal Mental Health

‘When you were a baby, we just used to put you in the boot!’ My mums loves telling me this!

Fast forward 35 years later, and instead of planning on putting my baby in the boot, I had a 2-hour appointment at John Lewis to review ‘Travel systems’, (car seats that will then connect to your buggy, for the uninitiated.)

This was just one of the many ways in which my experience was different to my mothers in the 1980s.

So many things have changed over my lifetime. The pressures faced by our mothers today are varied and many.

From the glossy unrealistic versions of motherhood bombarded on us by social media, to the millions of options of what to buy to make our lives easier with our little ones, (shout out to Tinies & Co for reducing the decision overwhelm, which really does make a huge difference.)

Our lives are more complicated, we have information overload. From all directions we are given advice, about how best to look after our babies, often conflicting. Or it doesn’t fit with what becomes our lived experience. My husband and I did a hypnobirthing course, as I was set on having a natural birth.

But when it came to it, our son was breach, upside down, and couldn’t be moved so we had to have to have a cesarian.

It was just the start of things not going to plan.

So many of us will do our very best to be prepared before our baby arrives, NCT, parenting classes, reading books…

I filled my freezer with 100 nights of dinner for us, so we didn’t have to worry about cooking.

I thought we were all set and ready, but there was a big piece missing from all my preparations.

Thinking about the impact our new arrival would have on me as a person. It was all about the baby, not me, or my husband and the impact it would have on us as individuals or as a couple.

At that point I had never heard of the word Matrescence, which I now want to shout from the roof tops!

It refers to the changes, mentally, physically, emotionally and culturally, that a woman can experience, when she goes from being pregnant into becoming a mother.

Scientists have found that the changes to our mind and body are just as profound asthose that take place when we go through adolescence. The difference is though, we’re ready for children to become teenagers. We educate them about the changes they are going to experience, and we offer them more support to get them through the challenging time.

There is a whole culture around being a teenager, with films and books and referencing it.

But for mothers, this period can be a huge shock. The majority of women have no idea of the changes they will experience.

I believe this is linked to the high number of women who suffer with their maternal mental health. The NHS lists the number as 1 in 4, but the NCT thinks it could be as high as 1 in 2, because people don’t always come forward for support. Perhaps due to the fear of being considered a bad mother.

But even when women do come forward for support, we’re in a dire situation with demand far outweighing the support the NHS is capable of offering.

A report last year* highlighted the shocking fact that nearly 20,000 new mothers who

asked for help from the NHS did not get it!

And for those who did get support, the wait was horrendous, with some waiting for 19 months.

There are many reasons that women will suffer with their maternal mental health, traumatic births can have a bit impact, and the severity of conditions varies widely.

Getting access to the right support at the right time can make a huge difference. But so too can education.

If we educate mothers in advance about Matrescence, and the changes they might experience, then it can have a big impact on their wellbeing and ability to cope.

So too with education around maternal mental health. There are so many things that don’t get explained enough. If we prepare women then they can have a plan of how to look after themselves and know, what is normal and when they need to seek help.

One example of this is intrusive thoughts. My first son was born with a bowel condition and had to have an operation at 5 days old, with another 2 ops by the time he was 7 months. I went through an incredible amount of stress and fear. Then to make things worse I had terrible thoughts about all the ways my son could get hurt.

But I didn’t know these sorts of thoughts were common, especially if you had gone through a traumatic experience. I just thought I was going mad.

By not opening up and talking about all these things, it actually makes it worse for the women who experience them.

By bringing them out into the open we can normalise them. Once you know something is common and it’s not just you the weight is lifted and its not so scary.

There is a huge amount more that we can do to support new mothers and parents and their families. Making support at work more widespread can have a huge impact.

The fact that we have to have organisations like Pregnant then Screwed unfortunately highlights the fact that so many businesses treat women horrendously when it’s the time when they need to most support.

Since suffering with my mental health after both sons were born, I have been driven to improve the experience for other new mothers.

I believe education and the right support are key to helping make things better at this vital time.

If we give women an understanding of Matrescence, a tool kit to support their wellbeing and appropriate timely specialist support when needed I think we can make the world of difference to the thousands of women who become mothers every year.

Lucy Wilson is the Founder of Shine Strong Revolution, later this year she’s launching MAIA, A Maternal Empowerment Programme for new and expectant mothers. To find to our more reach out to Lucy on LinkedIn here.